[Scpg] Bring on $6/gallon gas!

[David N. Lee]

 Wednesday, May 10, 2006 (SF Gate)

 

Bring On The $6 Gallon Of Gas/It would revolutionize America. It would make
us all better humans. But could you handle it?

By Mark Morford, SF Gate Columnist

 

No wait, not six. To hell with that. Make it 10. Ten bucks a gallon, no

matter what the going rate for a barrel of light sweet crude. That would

so completely, violently, brilliantly do it. Revolutionize the country.

Firebomb our pungent stasis. Change everything. Don't you agree?

 

Here's what we could do: Give gas discounts to cab drivers (at least

initially) and metro transit systems and low-income folks, those who have

to drive their busted-up '78 Honda Civics to their jobs scrubbing

restaurant toilets and flipping burgers and vacuuming the residual cocaine

from the seat cushions of numb SUV owners. Everyone else, 10 bucks a

gallon, across the board. Eleven for premium.

 

It would take some finessing. Maybe also give a price break to some

truckers and trucking companies (so vital to the overall economy), but not

so much to global delivery companies (FedEx, DSL et al.), because not

doing so would force them to raise shipping rates and force you (and me)

to reconsider buying everything online and hence will encourage you to

shop locally once again, thus reviving a stagnant local economy.

 

Voilá -- gas crisis, oil crisis, warmongering agenda, pollution

issues, road rage, traffic congestion, urban decay, oil profiteering --

all completely almost totally somewhat solved. Or at the very least,

dramatically, gloriously shifted toward ... I don't know what. Something

better. Something more humane, less greedy, more sustainable. Could it

work? How outraged and indignant would you be to have to pay that much for

gas? How long would that feeling last?

 

Take it one logical step further. Set up a national system whereby if you

want to buy a vehicle that gets less than 20 mpg in the city, you pay a

$1,000 Global Warming Surcharge and that money goes straight to a local

organic farm, or school, or environmental think tank. And if it gets under

12 mpg, make it three grand, plus a slap to your face from a small, angry

child. Got yourself a shiny new Hummer? You pay five grand extra, you can

only buy gas once a month and all the truly beautiful women of the world

will shun you like Charlie Sheen (oh wait, that already happens). See?

Revolution is easy.

 

What, too far fetched? Too implausible? Not at all. Sure, 10 bucks a

gallon would be extremely painful for a while. Citizens would wail.

Commuters would scream and stomp and die. But then we would do what we

always do. We would evolve. Adapt. Systems would quickly transform, habits

would instantly shift. It would be easier to implement than the goddamn

mess that is Medicare reform, far easier than Lots of Children Left

Behind, more viable and livable than the toxic existence of Homeland

Security and the disgusting Patriot Act.

 

But of course such an idea is also, right now, absolutely impossible. It

will never happen -- not 10 bucks, not six, not even a buck more per

gallon -- and not just because no politician anywhere on either side of

the aisle has the nerve to come out and suggest that Americans might

actually need to drive less and conserve and make a change in their

gluttonous habits. This is, of course, absolute death for a politician.

Tell Americans what to do? Dare to suggest that they're doing something

wrong, or that their behaviors are dangerous and destructive and

irresponsible? Are you insane? This is America! We're flawless!

 

No, the primary reason such reform won't happen is because, simply put, we

are the most entitled nation in the world, perhaps in the entire galaxy.

Americans are trained from birth to believe we deserve as much as we

desire of every exploitable resource on the planet, be it water or natural

gas or oil, coal or salmon or steaks, Big Macs or diapers or iPods or

bizarre varieties of blue ketchup. It is, in a word, perilous. It is also,

in another, slightly more devastating word, our downfall.

 

Look, I adore cars. I adore driving and I cherish open roads and smooth

horsepower and a musical exhaust note and I fully believe most German

automotive engineers should be sent gifts of candy and Peet's coffee.

 I would, like most everyone else, be absolutely loathe to give much

of it up.

 

But you know what? Big freaking deal. I could learn to live without so

much. I like to think I would be able to step back and see the bigger

picture, realize what is and isn't absolutely essential, what does and

does not absolutely define my identity and my life, modify accordingly and

laugh/shrug/sigh it off in the process. In other words, I could make it

work. And so could you.

 

Ever been in a citywide blackout? One that lasted for more than a few

hours and stretched on into the night? Ever see people suddenly shift

gears and become astoundingly helpful and polite and sharing? Happens in a

matter of moments. Disasters do it. Katrina did it, on a scale we haven't

seen in years. Sept. 11 did it, emotionally speaking, before BushCo whored

that tragedy and turned it into the most vile political poker chip in

American history. Shocking change brings people together. Brings out the

best in humans. Or at least, makes you rethink what's truly important in

your life.

 

Another example: You know what would happen if guns -- all guns,

everywhere -- were banned outright tomorrow? Well, right off, nothing

much. Criminals would still commit crimes. Lawsuits would skyrocket. The

NRA would shoot itself in the face in screaming protest. Crime rates would

dance all over the map. It would be a little ugly.

 

But then something remarkable would happen. Over a short blip of time --

say about 10 or 20 years, as gun manufacturing ceased and the culture of

gun violence died down and our favorite death object was less visible in

the news and in video games and on TV and in every aspect of modern life,

well, guess what? Guns would begin to disappear. From the culture, from

the drug dealers, from the streets, from public consciousness. They would

turn into a sad relic, like eight-track tapes, like the bubonic plague,

like the Miami Sound Machine. Think 20 years is too long? BS. It is but an

eyeblink, a twitch, a faint toe spasm in the great long orgasm of time.

 

This is the unappreciated, under-reported magic of the human animal. We

are infinitely adaptable. We can accommodate far more than politicians and

pundits and the morally knotted Christian right would ever have you

believe.

 

Ten bucks a gallon. Imagine the mad scramble by carmakers to invent new

ultra-gas-sipping, enviro-friendly technologies. Imagine communities

coming together for ride-sharing and mass transit. Bike sales would

skyrocket. Walking shoes would be the new bling item. We would mourn the

loss of cool car culture even as we celebrated the birth of, say, moped

culture. Telecommuting would explode. Sure, the superrich would still tool

around in their bloated Escalades, oblivious to the world around them,

thinkin' the world is their dumb bitch.

 

So what? The rest of us can simply roll our eyes and laugh, evolve and

sharpen and sigh, and wonder what great change we can embark upon next.

 

 

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